We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
