well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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