I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
