living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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