I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
