I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
