i think my tv is drunk
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
