Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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