i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
