i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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