i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
