textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
