Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I could fuck to npr.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
