i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think people are normalizing furries
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
