it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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