So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
