I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize