I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
