Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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