Yo dont text me then not text me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
