its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
