ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
