I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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