i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
