its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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