he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
