OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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