butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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