I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
