we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
