and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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