sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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