Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
