I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
