Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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