Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
