I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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