i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
