Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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