im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
