I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so that wasnt chicken after all
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
