Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
