So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
