i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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