i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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