There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
