Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
