So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
