You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
