How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
